Posts tagged yoga

Two days ago I signed up for a one week unlimited yoga sessions at a yoga studio nearby. I’d done yoga in the past, but I wasn’t sure if the modified yoga at the gym counted. I’d never done bikram yoga, either. Imagine constantly being in movement for an hour and a half in a room nearly as hot as your internal body temperature. Who knew you could sweat that much? I go to the gym regularly but my heart has never beaten that hard or that fast nor have my muscles have felt that stretched or worked.

What I love most about bikram yoga, or yoga in general, is the fact that I am actually learning to appreciate my body. I saw photos online of what people usually wore to bikram yoga (which was near underwear or bikini-like outfits) and I definitely wasn’t confident enough to wear that. I remember the first day I went. I wore running shorts and a fitted racerback. I was already feeling quite conscious of myself, and I was pretty covered up compared to the beer belly guy in the tight spandex shorts. I kept thinking my thunder thighs were jiggling, or that my fat rolls spilled over my shorts every time I bent over or sat down. Mirrors ran across the two walls, and I couldn’t stop staring at myself. However, when the session began, all my thoughts and insecurities quieted down. As I engaged my mind and body in the yoga, I wasn’t thinking anymore about the way my body looked. Instead, I focused on how my body felt and if I was doing the poses correctly. Although I still wobbled and sometimes fell over, I felt centered. Although I wasn’t as flexible as the yoga master in the corner of the room, I marveled in the way my body moved. At the end of the session, we finished in corpse pose. The yogi left the room, turned off the lights and invited us to stay for as long or as little as we liked to enjoy the last breaths of our yoga session. I opened my eyes feeling tired, but calm, collected and surprisingly refreshed.

Yesterday I went back for my second session. I mustered enough courage to wear a black sports bra and leggings. It wasn’t so much as showing off because really, I was still quite conscious of myself. It was just more practical considering how I soaked through my racerback the other evening. As we engaged in the yoga, I couldn’t help but feel extremely conscious of myself. There I was, sweating to the point of shriveling like a raisin, in a black sports bra - my stomach, arms, chest, hips, waist exposed for everyone to see. There is one instance where I learned quite a valuable lesson. Every now and then I’d steal a glance to my side, wondering if my back fat was exposed, or if my tummy stuck out. I realized that if even for a split second I allowed my focus to falter, it threw me off kilter and nearly crashing into the person next to me. I’d stand up, start the pose over and focus on staring intently into my front reflection. I could feel all my effort and energy was focused on making sure I was equally balanced in the stretch and pull of my dancer pose. I realize now that that instance is quite reflective of my life. If I worry so much about the way I look, it’ll throw me off kilter and crashing to the ground. Rather, I should focus all my efforts and energy on what feels good and what feels right for me. I’ll have a stronger core and stronger foundations. I’ll be centered, focused on recovery and ultimately at peace.

“Yoga From The Inside Out: Making Peace With Your Body Through Yoga” by Christina Sells