Oftentimes I find myself clinging onto the past like a little child clutches her baby blanket. I suppose it’s because I have grown so accustomed to doing things one way that it’s become normal, familiar, and comfortable. My experiences and methods defined me, so when that chapter of my life ended, or when the twists and turns of life changed things drastically, I felt lost and confused. So I clung onto the past, fearful of what the future would bring. Who would I be without my past? I tried many times to duplicate the past - the eating habits, the low weight, the drill-sergeant exercise - but it was always to no avail. I hoped this time it would be different, that I’d be happier or more in control or more disciplined. I threw myself into a cruel, inhuman and ruthless cycle of starve, binge and purge. The same sadness, anger, self-loathing and desire to die resurfaced. The longer and tighter I held onto my past, the tighter bulimia’s grip grew around my neck.
However I realize now that trying to relive the past is absolutely no way to live. Life is constantly evolving and changing. You will never know where it will take you - one minute you are sailing in the yacht of victory on the pristine blue oceans of triumph and success, next minute you run out of gas and crash into the sandbar of despair. We may not know where we will be tomorrow, but what we do know is that we are meant to push forward. If one thing is certain, as dynamic as Life is, we always moves forward.
(via cloudyday4)
