It’s been quite a while since I’ve tumbl’d. I know I used to post a lot but lately I’ve found my little black notebook is far more reliable to reach for when inspiration hits. What’s been happening? Well I have boyfriend now, whom I love dearly. :) I also started doing yoga again. Also, I’m leaving by the end of February to go to India to stay at an ashram. After that I plan to go to Nepal and Tibet. I know, I know. You might think I’m following on the whole trend that started after “Eat, Pray, Love” came out. I mean, OK, so I DID want to go to an ashram after seeing the movie and reading the book, but it’s not because I wanted to be like those wealthy, bored socialites who think spiritual enlightenment will save them from whatever “turmoil” they’re experiencing. I’ve always wanted to go off somewhere far away and magical, to practice yoga and meditation, and I can’t think of a better place than at the heart of it all - India. Nepal. Tibet. Also, it just so happens a good friend of ours, Father H, who is visiting the Philippines, knows a guru in North India. He’ll be staying in India for a month or two and he’s inviting me to go with him. Mother suggested I go. She’s more than willing to send me. I’ve said yes and it’s just a matter of getting the paper work done. Nepal and Tibet will fall into place once I’ve got the ball rolling. What’s become a short trip to India has become a full blown journey.

I am both excited and nervous to go to India, and wherever else my trip will take me. I am excited because I will be exploring and experiencing new cultures. I am excited because I know this will help me in my search of my center and being grounded, my search for truth and enlightenment. I am excited because this rare opportunity only comes to very few people, and I am one of them. I also happen to be nervous - nervous to be away from my creature comforts of a driver, household help, family and friends, easy access to money, luxury and whatever else, nervous to be an alien in an even more alien country, nervous because I don’t know what to expect or what will be the outcome of my journey. Whatever the case is, I go with an open heart and mind. I know this will be good for me. I’d like to believe that this trip was meant for me. I don’t know if you believe in fate, but I do.

One morning, as I mindlessly browsed websites about various ashrams, monasteries and retreat centres in Tibet, Nepal and India, the word “verity” popped into my head. I don’t know how or why it came to me. “Verity” sprung into my head as unexpectedly as an estranged friend would ambush you in a bookstore. It came first as a whisper, but then slowly grew in decibels, louder and louder, until the nagging persistence to discover its meaning sent me desperately typing away in the search engine in Google. Perhaps it was my unconscious speaking to me, taking advantage of the rare stillness and silence of my mind. It was familiar; a word I would come across every now and then in a spiritual text or inscribed on the emblems of a church. As I pressed the enter button and scanned the first few of 340,000 results on Google, the clarity of its definition jumped off the screen. Verity. Truth. In the same moment, as my eyes took in the words “true”, “factual”, “real”, my life jumped out in front of me as quickly as the words jumped off the screen. Here I was, a 20 year old college student on leave from school for treatment of bulimia nervosa, caught between myself, what I wanted to do and what I needed to do. While I was supposed to be engaging in productive activities and getting well, I was whittling away 3 or 4 months of my 9-month vacation on bi-monthly psychiatric sessions, practicing yoga but mostly, disrupting my circadian rhythm with sunrise nights of drinking and wild partying. What was my truth? What was my reality?

I refused to believe, and even allow, that whatever I’d been doing for those past months was what I would be doing in the months to come. I knew I would have nothing to gain except maybe a liver problem and lung cancer. I knew I wouldn’t get better. I realized then that I wouldn’t find my truth sitting around at home, or smoking cigarette after cigarette and drinking glass after glass of vodka in a nightclub. I had venture out into the world, into the unknown, alone. I had to get away from the noise and chaos of modern living. And this brings us to why I am leaving at the end of February for India, Nepal and Tibet. This brings us to why I believe that this trip is part of my destiny. I needed to find my truth, and I was presented with an opportunity to go to divine and mystical places. There, I pray I will discover my truth.

I find that I am not alone in my search for my truth. I believe the world is filled with billions of lost souls, endlessly wandering the earth, going through every turn of the ages and searching for the same thing. For some, going on a journey to a far away land seems like the best way to find it. For others, finding their truth is as easy as looking into the face of a loved one. Whichever path you take to find your truth, good luck and God speed.