Another episode today. I feel so exhausted. My face is swollen, my heart is pounding and my hands are shaking - the usual symptoms of a post-binge purge session. I was so tired the whole day because I went out last night. I only had several hours of sleep. Maybe 3 or 4. I can’t go without an average of 7.5 hours. I took a nap around 3 and woke up at 4. I had this urge to eat and I stormed the kitchen. I even raided our helper’s ref and pantry. I found cake and chocolate candy bars, saltine crackers and caramel sauce. Peanut butter, too. Where the hell did that come from? A secret stash of leftovers from weeks or months ago. We don’t buy that for the family. We stopped buying that years ago. I purged until my throat stung and burned with stomach acid. 

I was thinking too much about what I’d eaten, and if I should have eaten or should not have eaten. Too many thoughts bouncing around in my head preventing me from really connecting my self and my body.

Breathe.